Ezra's Birth Story

Ezra is 4 months old today! To commemorate the day I'll share his birth story. It took a long time for me to write down. It was an emotional experience for me and something I could revisit until recently. I know I'm a nut. I also just realized that the midwife that delivered was the first person I had an appointment with when I found out I was pregnant, and the last before Ezra was born. Anyways enjoy!

Ezra’s birth story

It was Sunday, April 10th, 2011. 11 days before my due date. I was really feeling I was going to go past my due date and I was fine with that. We had a good weekend and that Saturday Mark and I had deep cleaned the house.  Sunday morning I woke up and felt the need to find all my nursing bras, and tanks and throw them in the wash. Which proved to be a good move! Mark made us a delicious breakfast, and I had some orange juice with it. One of my constant cravings throughout my pregnancy. As I was finishing I began to feel some terrible indigestion coming on. I had some awful heartburn/reflux issues early on so I assumed it was returning at this late stage. So I took to the couch to rest and try to settle my stomach. Mark kept Emerson busy while I watched some tv. I had little appetite at all, and in fact didn’t eat that afternoon. I had started Doc Hollywood on Netflix, an oldie but goodie. I was laying on my side around 4:30 and heard a pop with some force behind it. Thought it was weird but kind of ignored it. About 15 minutes later I get up and as I’m talking to Mark I feel some fluid trickle. I said, “Uh oh,” and ran to the bathroom. After all of my practice of staying calm I freaked a bit as I had a feeling my water had broken. I paged the midwife on call and when she called me back I told her I thought my water had broken but I wasn’t sure. As we were chatting I felt a huge gush, which completely soaked my pants. Then I told her it definitely broke. Ha! She laughed and told me the drill. Since contractions hadn’t started I could just wait it out until morning and take my temperature to ensure I wasn’t getting an infection. I could also take a bath to help me relax. Whoa! I couldn’t believe it. He could be here very soon! Nothing was happening other than my clothes were drenched so I continued to watch Doc Hollywood. Mark played with E. outside and around 6:30 I started to feel menstrual type cramping. Nothing major at all, and nothing  that I had not felt in the last month anyways. But, I decided to time these cramps and they were 7 minutes apart. Since my sheet had said second time moms need to come in at 4 to 5 minutes apart I called my midwife again. She told me 6-7 minutes apart, and just cramps was no biggie. Call when they are 4 minutes and they stop me from doing what I’m doing. So I decide to take a shower and change clothes for the third time. Mark throws some chicken on the grill and fixes dinner. I don’t eat due to the stomach issues, which appears were my hormones getting ready for labor. We start discussing what to do with Emerson. At this point we didn’t think anything was happening before morning but didn’t want a big rush in the middle of the night. After we figure out logistics I begin packing Emerson’s bag around 9 while she gets washed up. I felt a few contractions but I was still walking around getting things done. Mark’s parents arrive to pick up Emerson so he tells me to go lay down. I put on one of my hypnobabies tracks around 9:30 or 10 while he gets her out the door. Things start to get intense all of the sudden where I cannot lay there relaxing. I freaked out and texted Mark to see where he was. I timed my contractions and they were 4 minutes apart! When he comes back in I tell him to call Sarah, our midwife. She asks if we want to come in and get situated. We plan to meet at 11. Mark starts getting our bags together and by that point it feels very intense. We head the car and Mark tells me he has to take the dog out. At this point I think he is coming any minute so I told him to have someone else do it! Gotta love labor. :) We head to the birth center and I listen to one of my hypnobabies scripts. It was extremely difficult to be still and not flip out in the car. I honestly wanted to jump out of my skin. We arrived right around 11pm and they are so close together at this point I have to wait to have one before I can get out of the car so I won’t have another one in the parking lot. I walk in feeling terrible. I go to our room and we decide to check my status. I have another contraction before I get in the door. 3 minutes apart at this point. Sarah tells me I’m 3 centimeters and I’m so bummed. I really thought I was further along. Even though I had learned that numbers don’t mean much about progress in hypnobabies I definitely let it get to me. I was 4 centimeters with Emerson for about 20 hours and I was not prepared to feel like this for that long. I immediately say I want to get in the tub. I needed some relief! Thank goodness we have access to a tub this time around. I get in and I feel like it’s just one constant contraction. I start envisioning 10 more hours of this and I freak out. I begged them to take me to the hospital because I couldn’t do it. The birthing time I had envisioned of calm and peaceful was out the window. I was an angry woman in labor. I threw things, yelled, cried, the whole works. Mark can attest I said some insane things.  At this point I really felt like I was being tortured and I just wanted him out! To be honest I felt like I had been crazy for have wanting a natural birth and I was angry for being stuck. Ha! After two hours Sarah says it’s a good time to check. It really didn’t feel like it had been 2 hours. Felt like 30 minutes or so. I was 7 centimeters. I was relieved that I was moving forward. I asked her when I could give birth realistically. She said probably around sunrise. Compared to Emerson’s 26 hour labor that sounded amazing! It was around 1 am. I even asked if I could push yet. Haha. That was hormones talking because seriously who pushes at 7cm? I had renewed strength to have an end in sight. After an hour of being the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life I reached down and felt a head. I told Mark to go get Sarah. This kid was coming out! So clearly I was fully dilated and he was almost completely out. What a surprise! After 9 minutes of pushing, Ezra was born into a warm tub of water. It was the most the amazing feeling to hold him. She laid him on my chest and I said, “ You don’t look anything like your sister!” Mark pulled out the iphone to snap a pictures as we forgot the camera. After about 5 minutes Mark holds Ezra to warm him up so that I can get out and get cleaned up. I get to lay on the bed and Ezra nurses pretty much immediately and perfectly. He was so alert because of the lack of drugs it was amazing to see. He just stared at us with his big eyes and the last few hours disappeared from my memory. After his birth my personality swiched immediatley. I went from crazy to completely energized and estactic. I heard of the endorphin rush after a baby is born naturally and it’s no joke. I felt like I could go for a 10 mile run. It was nuts! I was elated and really couldn’t not believe I did it. I refueled with a burrito we had brought from Trader Joes and some gatorade. Mark is exhausted and falls asleep with Ezra on his chest around 4. I’m too full of adrenalin to sleep and lay there looking at my boys while I hear birds chirping as the sun started to rise. It was a special moment.  We discuss when we wanted to go home, and I decide I want food first. So Mark gets us some of the best bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits from Sunrise. They are huge and delicious!  I take a much needed shower and we get Ezra dressed in his onesie and the hate I had made him. We head home around 10:30 and stop at the mall to pick up our laptop. We’re home around 11 and I couldn’t have felt better. Oh and did I mention we didn’t name Ezra until 9:00 am or so. He was just baby boy for awhile. We just stared at him trying to decide what he looked like. I even asked the midwife if she had any suggestions. I have to say natural labor and delivery is of course much harder. But, the recovery was 10x easier and I was so happy not to have any drugs in mine or Ezra’s system. It is amazing what the body can do! I also felt much more emotionally present after his birth and could really take in the moment. I’m thankful to have had the experience and to have brought home a wonderful healthy boy.

6lbs 6oz, 19.5 inches. Born at 2:15am

Disappointment

Every once in awhile I will start having feelings of disappointment in myself and Emerson's labor. This time I think it is related to me going to La Leche and hearing other women's stories which is bringing up old memories. Don't misunderstand me I've really been enjoying La Leche meetings. It makes me feel normal. Not sure what it is but women who are really into breastfeeding seem to be more likely to co-sleep, want natural births, alternative vaccine schedule, baby wear, etc. Anyways on to my point. :) Somehow I feel cheated that I had to have an epidural, not being able to have the experience I wanted. After some research I think my body saw the pitocin as attacking my body, and went into defense mode to try to keep Emerson in. Which I guess in theory is good, keeping your baby in before it's cooked. So while one set of muscles were contracting the opposing muscles held strong to prevent progression. Uggggh. Before I had Emerson I had watched "The Business of Being Born" and learned about how much pitocin stinks and really didn't want it. But, in the end I had no choice but to induce and my body had no choice but to fight it. After 21 hours of labor, contractions back to back with not a thing going on I kind of felt helpless. It is true that at that point you are very suggestible. So when my midwife suggested to get and epidural to progress I agreed. It did work with Emerson being born 3 hours later, progressing 6cm in 2 hours. But, I'm still left to wonder what would have happened if I had said no? Waited it out a little bit? Would I still have had the same outcome? I guess I will never know and I'm stuck with these "What if" thoughts. Maybe getting them off my chest will quieten them for awhile. It doesn't make it any better that a Doula told me that she heard IntraUterine Growth Restrictions thrown around a lot now. She thinks it is just because they have more advanced measuring techniques, not really that it is a problem. Thanks I feel much better to know that there could have been nothing wrong she was just petite. Oh well. Next time I hope to be very very pregnant before I give birth. I can say that now. :) That's all for the downer of the day, now on to more cheery things like cute pictures of my baby. Did I mention she is cute as can be?!? 

Emerson's Hypnobabies Birth Story

One tired Midwife, Mama, and Baby

Today is my due date! So I figured I should finally share my birth story. We checked into the hospital around 9pm so we could start the foley catheter in hopes I would dilate 4 cm overnight. We had to wait until around 11:30 to get things started since there were numerous c-sections taking up all the staff. But lucky for us we got free parking and food vouchers and enjoyed some chocolate peanut butter cake. Around 9:30pm we were allowed to sit in our room but weren't technically admitted yet. So we decided to watch Damages, one of my favorite shows. Finally my midwife came in to insert the catheter around 11:00 pm. I played the hypnobabies music in the background and put myself into hypnosis. My body was limp and before I knew it the procedure was over. Not bad at all, just some pressure. I tried to get some sleep that night but the catheter caused some discomfort and I was constantly pacing my room. Eventually they gave me some Ambien so I could get some rest since I hadn't even started my real birthing time. Around 7am I woke up, had breakfast, got sick twice, and then started pitocin by 7:30. I have to admit I was bracing for it to hit me hard. But to my surprise I was completely fine. I played the birth day early stage guide to get my body ready. By 10am the Foley Catheter came out and I was 4cm dilated. By 12pm I still didn't even know when I was having a pressure wave. Pressure wave is a "contraction" in hypnobabies terms. The funny thing is during the afternoon I was complaining the tape from my IV was hurting not the actual having a baby thing. I listened to my guide several times and the deepening as well which made me completely relaxed. By around 5pm things started to get more intense so I felt the need to move around. Since I was on pitocin I had to be constantly monitored but they had remote ones so I could roam the hallway. I started to make my rounds and stopping to lean on Mark when a pressure wave came. I eventually had to come back to the room because the signal on the baby kept going out. I got on the ball for awhile but the position didn't agree well with my body. Later in the night they decided to check my progress. I was still 4 cm. I hadn't wanted to be checked at all but didn't have a choice due to the induction. As things got more intense the midwife massaged my legs and got my body very comfortable. It was probably around 11pm when I decided I wanted to get in the shower. I was very disappointed that my room didn't have a tub so the shower had to do. I got in the shower and it felt amazing. I felt like I could stay in there until the baby arrived which mad me even sadder I wasn't having a water birth. But after an hour the shower was flooding into the bathroom. I finally got out and got back into some dry clothes. My pressure waves were more intense and at this point I could not feel break in between them. My body began to shake and I was having temperature shifts from hot to very cold. I thought for sure I was in transformation. The midwife suggested I get some rest so I attempted to sleep while listening to my deepening script. The turned the pitocin down since the waves were right on top of each other. Unfortunately it just made everything stop. Emerson definitely wanted to stay in. Around 4am my midwife came in to check me again. I was still 4cm!!! I could not believe that 21 hours later my body was not progressing. It seemed as though my body was not reacting to the pitocin. At 4:30 my midwife told me she did not think my body was taking the induction. She suggested I get an epidural to relax my muscles in hopes of progression. I was very disappointed to hear this but after discussing it with Mark we thought it was our best option especially since we did not want to end up with a c-section. I got the epidural and we decided to break my water. I laid on my side while listening to my birth day guide and was able to rest a little bit. By 7am I was 8cm. I started to feel her moving down the birth canal and it was very intense. I moaned deeply throughout the pressure waves. Even though I had the epidural I could still feel what was happening in my body. I was checked again after I told them I was having a lot of pressure. I was 10cm and 100% effaced. Yay! I started to push lightly with each wave. Although I felt like she was coming out on her own. I then got on my left side and had my right leg propped up on my midwives' shoulder. Mark put in the pushing guide in the background. After a little less than an hour of pushing she arrived at 8:49am. A little over 24 hours since the process began.The final push I'm certain was not even conscious. I thought at the time they were pulling her out. Mark explains it as a scary experience since I was trying to push the midwife and nurse away. I guess my body was just working on it's own. They immediately placed her on my chest. Emerson breastfed within 20 minutes so I was very pleased. I also had no tears because of the use of the perineum massage during the pushing stage. Although things didn't go as planned I think that went as best they could with our circumstances. I hope that next time we are giving birth at the birth center spontaneously and able to have the experience we had imagined. Our midwife was amazing and really supported us through the process. Overall I would not call labor awful or excruciating. I would say it is very tolerable if you are in the right mindset. Although pitocin definitely makes it tougher and I have no clue why anyone would want to be induced with  no medical reason. I am still very glad I took the hypnobabies childbirth classes. I learned so much and I felt very prepared even though it wasn't exactly as planned. Thanks Susan! Emerson still loves to listen to the hypnobabies music! :)